Art By Sarps

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, events and incidents are the products of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

The Date

“Kukua?”
“Yes? How may I help you?” 
She responded rather rudely. I was taken aback. 
“Kofi here. From Bumble.”
 “Oh hii, Kofi! It’s so nice to finally meet you.” 
The switch in attitude was so quick one might have missed it, but not me, the most observant person you’d ever come across. Not to brag or anything, but that’s the truth. 

I smiled and pulled the seat opposite her, and sat down. I ordered a drink because I realized this woman was already on her third, as there were three straw wrappers on the table. But these waiters? How long has she been here anyway? We agreed to meet at 12 for lunch, and I got to the restaurant at 12:00, and she was already there and on her third drink.

She went on and on about herself, barely pausing. I can count the number of words I have spoken since I got here. 
I needed to find a way to get out of here as quick as possible because this woman here? She’s not the one. I still can’t believe I let my best friend talk me into being here. 

My best friend, Ama…oh, how I love her! 
Her round, clear white eyes look as though they would pop out any second, yet they accentuate her hazel pupils perfectly. 
Her slender and weirdly flat nose makes me wonder how she’s able to breathe. 
Oh, and the thin line for a mouth…okay, I digress. 

So yes, Ama. She introduced me to one of these dating apps because, apparently, “I’m growing old, and I’ve been single for too long”. It’s the audacity for me. I know what you’re thinking, but trust me, it can’t work out that way. You’ll understand why soon. Maybe or maybe not. 
Anywho..she went through the struggle of creating a profile for me and making my boring, introverted self appear to be the most exciting person on the surface of this earth. Even me, I couldn’t recognize the person, yet it was me. 
She sifted through the hundreds of requests that came flooding in and made a choice for me. In reality, there were only two requests. And the choice was rather obvious because the other one had her oranges spilling through her blouse in her profile picture. That’s what it’s called, right? 

So here I am, sitting on my bike, with Ama’s hands holding tightly onto my midsection for her dear life because, coincidentally, my date had chosen the exact place Ama was having a date with her boyfriend. But was it really a coincidence? Remember, Ama scheduled this date. 
And for someone so afraid of riding on motorbikes, Ama was being rather talkative. Going on and on about what women like and how I should treat this lady to be able to keep her. Is it even possible to please a woman? But I’d rather this talk happens on the bike and not at the venue because the wind was drowning most of her words. 

Back to reality. Yes, I’m no longer listening to this woman because what’s the point, really? All I’ve been hearing is how beautiful she is, how she has many suitors, but she isn’t interested in them. She showed interest in me because I am very handsome and will do well on her social media feed. Oh, and being an engineer meant I could take excellent care of her. Her words, not mine. 

I keep sending dagger stares towards Ama and her boyfriend, who is laughing heartily, most likely at my predicament. 

“Excuse me, Kukua. I need to use the bathroom.” I said as I pulled the seat back.
Fortunately, Kukua had her back towards the exit and seeing how self-conceited she was, I doubt she’d look back at me. I walked right to Ama and her boyfriend’s table. 

“Dearest Ama and Kweku. You need to get me out of there or else something bad is going to happen. ASAP.”
“Kofi, it can’t be that bad. Get to know her and you might change your mind.”
“Trust me, I know all there is to know and I’m not interested.” 
They laughed.
“5 minutes max. Get me out of here. Thank you!” I said, then walked back to my table.
And guess what? Kukua was ordering food and had gotten another drink. And it’s been only 15 minutes since I got here!

“Oh hi, you’re back. I was starving so I ordered something. Do you want to get anything?”
 “No, I am fine for now.”
 He saw Ama and Kweku walking to his table, and he breathed a sigh of relief. 
“Kofi, is that you?” Ama said excitedly when she got closer. 
“Ama! Come here.” I stood up to hug her. 
“Excuse me, who are you? And why are you all over my man?” Kukua asked, tapping Ama. 
“Kukua, relax. I am not your man and this is my friend, Ama.”
“Just a friend? That hug seemed liked more.”
I looked at her, annoyed. 
“Kofi, who is this?” Ama asked, her tone laced with disgust. She is such a good actress, acting like she doesn’t know who Kukua is.
“Well, this is Kukua. I met her online.” I paused. “This is our first date but I think I’m done here.” 
I signalled the waiter, and he came. “Please bring my bill for the drink. Thank you.”
 “Kofi, I’m sorry. You don’t have to go. We were having a good time before we were interrupted.”
Kukua turned towards Ama and rolled her eyes. “Please excuse us so we can enjoy our date.”
I shook my head at her. “No, you were having a good time and you can go on.”

The waiter brought the bill, and I reached for my wallet and paid. 

“Wait Kofi. Who is going to pay for the rest?” Kukua asked, almost scared. 
“The person who ordered them.” I responded and started to walk away. 
“Heh? I don’t have any money o. Who lets a girl pay for what she eats on a date? Be a man and pay o.”
I ignored her and continued to walk away. 
Ama returned to the table and gave Kukua some cash, more than enough to clear her bill.
“I cannot leave another woman to be disgraced, regardless of how rude she is.” Ama paused briefly. “It pays to be nice to others. You should learn that.” Ama turned to walk away. 
“Thank you.” Kukua whispered ashamedly. 

The Elevator Experience

“Ama, see the wahala you’ve put me through?” I said to Ama when we were outside. “Please delete that profile you created o. This online dating thing is not for me. I’d rather be single, please and thank you.”
Ama and Kweku couldn’t stop laughing at me. “See, you people better stop laughing o.”
They finally stopped laughing, and we walked in silence to another restaurant nearby. 
“I’m tempted to believe the oranges spilling lady would have been a better choice.”
“So should I set up a date with her?” Ama responded excitedly. 
“Nooo! You’re done setting me up on any dates, woman.” I paused briefly. “I should have known this wouldn’t go well, especially after my elevator experience. 
“What happened?” Kweku asked immediately. 

“So here I was, checking myself out in the elevator and going through the profile Ama created because at least I have to match that person or else this date would be ruined, according to Ama. 
Tell me why the elevator is suddenly pitch black? And 30 seconds later, it is rocking back and forth as though it is hanging on a thread. I attempt to reach Ama on the phone for some answers because she knows everything, but the network also decides to go on a break. 
So yes, I’m stuck in the elevator. A minute passes, and nothing. Still stuck. Two minutes, and still nothing. By the third minute, I am sweating profusely – I’m not sure if it is from the heat or the hidden fear in my heart. Dying in an elevator on the way to meet your blind date. Nope, I never imagined my death story would be more fun than my life. 
I started looking at the buttons to see if I could find one to help me. And voila, there’s a red button which I figured was the emergency or call for help button. I hit it, and the alarms go crazy. 10 seconds later, the elevator begins to shake. Violently. I held on tightly to the railings. Just as suddenly, the violence was over. And the doors slide open, and the most unexpected image is before me – a bunch of random people. With their phones pointing in my direction. Nope, not doing this. I stepped back into the elevator, clicked the close button, and watched them disappear again. I’d rather stay here.” He paused.
“But I’m not one to stand a girl up, so I still showed up.“

Ama and Kweku burst into fits of laughter again at the expense of Kofi, but it was short-lived when Kweku noticed the dagger stares Kofi was giving them. 
He cleared his throat before speaking, “I’m so sorry Kofi. Let’s go, I’m sure some free food will light up your day a bit!”
“Well, who turns down free food?”

It’s been a while so here’s a short and fun story for y’all!
I hope you enjoyed it and I’d love to hear your thoughts on it!

Have a blessed day!